Turf Marking

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  • Some posts, or the links they contain, are NSFW. This is your only warning.
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Friday, February 28, 2003

Lyrical Superimposition

Time to knock down these issues of mine, one by one. On the last day of this month, we'll start with the one appropos for the month of February.

Up until now, I've purposely avoided posting song lyrics in their entirety. I'm sure I abuse the "fair use" doctrine enough as it is with the snippets I do put up. But, it's that kind of month. I'm still pensive, reflective, and at this moment, I really don't care if one of my favorite songwriters on the planet wants to sue me.

They say grief has five stages. What they don't tell you is that at different times, you move back and forth. The best you can hope for is that eventually, you'll come to spend most of your time at the good end of it. And when the moments come - and they will - when you do slip, you pray you don't slip too far back.

I think this song reflects that fact of life.

Only Time Can Heal the Wounded
words/music: Robert Lamm & Gerard McMahon
performed by Chicago

you'll hear a sound as she's leaving
you'll hear your heart pound so hard
you'll miss her warm touch and the way things once were
it's such a cold town when you miss her
it's not the same place no more
when it's hard to mend what's broken
and you still can't let her go

beyond the storm there's an answer
beyond the nights you spend alone
beyond the headlights and the highways you go
you'll take a long ride without her
until the tears dry away
in every way you try to reason
when there's no reason left to hold

only time can heal the wounded of love
any day now time will tell
only love can turn it all around again
there's no heart that time can't heal

whatever pieces you're missing
whatever you leave behind
however you look at things they do change
it's not the same conversation
it's not the way that it was
there'll be one less tear tomorrow
there'll be one less night alone

Thursday, February 27, 2003

He Moved to a Better Neighborhood

Rest well, Mister Rogers.

Could it be possible that the seeds of love I have for jazz music were sown at an early age as I'd watch the trolley go back and forth?

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Now, You Can Waste Time On This Blog, Too

Now, you can post comments on my blog, thanks to enetation. As you dissect my foolish ranting, please bear in mind that I have a rather fragile ego.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Today's New Word

adj. 1. Having a lazy nature; indolent. 2. Of no use. 3. Ineffective; futile.

from The American Heritage Dictionary, 2nd College Edition

These are the main ways I've managed to self-medicate myself though my February Deluge which have really messed up my sleep cycle. It's sad when you float through 8 hours of work during the day, yet your most productive and creative times seem to be during the proverbial "witching hour."

Starbucks Coffee
The Comeback Trumpeters Guide
Lupin the 3rd
Reign: the Conqueror
The Unofficial Dave Barry Blog

Monday, February 24, 2003

the promises i made
when i was young and unafraid
i hurt so many hearts
and even my own could not escape
it comes to me now

i've seen, i've heard
and now i've finally learned
they're only words
i've crashed, i've burned
and now i've finally learned
they're only words
unless they're true

Beckley-Lamm-Wilson, They're Only Words
(words/music by Carl Wilson & Phil Galdston)

After the Flood is Gone
It's a little known fact that, according to the Bible, Noah and company spent months and months locked up in the Ark after the "40 days and 40 nights." The rain had stopped, the flood receded a bit, but there he stayed until he got the sign from above he was looking for.

My 40 days and nights might be over, but I'm still in that metaphorical "waiting" state. Tom Petty had it right, didn't he? "The waiting is the hardest part." Maybe I'm having the "pre-30th birthday jitters." It isn't all that far away, you know. Now, I'm not going to whine and moan about how my life isn't where I thought it would be. Because, to be honest, I had no clear idea of where I wanted to be by 30. Diana Scharf Hunt said, "Goals are dreams with deadlines." Well, I had half of that equation. And, I payed the price for that lack of vision.

To be fair to myself, I had a lot to learn about life. And I've always been a "take things in my stride" kind of person. I'm glad that in my "Kwai Chang Caine-like" wanderings, I've learned that I'm not the only person on earth with my peculiar disposition. The question then becomes, "What are the positive parts of my character and how the heck do I use them to actually make some kind of impact?" as I wait for that sign to come.

Friday, February 21, 2003

The February Deluge - The first and hopefully (but most likely not) the last "whine and cheese" entry. You know -- the reason a good number of people start weblogs in the first place.

The February Deluge is something that's been in my life for years now. A lot of the best and worst events of my life seemed to be centered around the month of February. If only they all had to do with Valentine's Day. But that's only part of the Deluge. Along with the often life-changing events that occur come various reflections on what was, is, and is to come.

The past two weeks have been especially hard as I look around and take stock of the various changes in my life. I'm not talking about simply moping and crying over a million-and-one "if onlys." Although that IS part of the process of taking stock. It's a natural consequence for me as I look around and my good, bad and ugly reactions to the changes. I don't apologize (anymore, anyway) for the "big picture" view I have of life, the universe, and everything. I've read that people with that sort of viewpoint almost invariably have it tied strongly to their emotions.

This month, it's been an emotional roller-coaster as I look at how far I've come, and how far I need to go. I smile in gratitude for the blessings upon blessings I receive. Two seconds later, I cry out looking for relief from some, from any of the struggles I still have.

I suppose it doesn't help that I've been burying myself deeper into the various activities and busy-ness that I usually deal with daily.

On top of that, you may wonder what this year's "life-changing event" is, and whether or not it's happened yet. No, I'm not going to tell you specifically what it is. Although, I'm not sure whether the event I have in mind qualifies or not. It's been a few days now, and if the impact I've been feeling is any indication, this year's Deluge is not positive.

In summary: Roller-coaster emotions that come with reflecting on various life changes that usually happen in Februarys coupled with life changing events that continue to occur. This year, the initial assessment is that things are FUBAR.

That's where I am now. We'll see where I go from here.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

The Revenge of the 80s II: It's Not Funny Anymore

Item Six
Please take a moment of silence for the seven on the space shuttle Columbia.