You Know You're Old When

...you take an interest and participate in the election for the board of directors of your credit union.

Well, I couldn't help it. I read the candidate bios and clearly saw that, at least on paper, one of the new candidates seemed more qualified than one of the current board members.

Jeezus, what's happened to me? I can hear the voices in my head chanting, "Grup! Grup! Grup! Grup!"

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My Neck, My Back

...are in such fucking pain right now. The sad part is that it feels about 10 times better than it did Friday when I had to call off work at the last minute. But, it's all good, now that I have a fresh supply of Vicodin and Flexiril, graciously provided by my doctor, along with an appointment for some PT tomorrow morning.

Damn, I feel like I'm on Rohypnol now, so I think I'm going to go back to sleep (which I've been doing for about 10 hours at a stretch at night, on top of having a 2-3 hour nap during the day).

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Reading: 1/15 to 1/21

Two weeks behind again. You can partially chalk it up to the pain killers I'm on. So, here it is, sans Nick Hornby-style commentary.

• Juan José Millás, "Other Persons"
• Jenny Hollowell, "A History of Everything, Including You"
• Peter Orner, "The Raft"
• Teolinda Gersão, "The Red Fox Fur Coat"
• Ronald F. Currie, Jr., "Loving the Dead"
• Tobias Wolff, "Powder"
• Susanna Clarke, "The Duke of Wellington Misplaces His Horse"

All these except for Clarke's story are in the NEW SUDDEN FICTION collection, which I highly recommed.

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They Weren't Lying About Death and Taxes

Let me get this straight...they've been doing this for two years??

Tennessee Continues to Enforce 'Crack Tax'

All Things Considered, January 15, 2007 · For a second consecutive year, Tennessee has collected more than $1.5 million in revenue from its so-called "crack tax." The state has been enforcing a tax on illegal substances that drug dealers can report without fear of prosecution.

But once arrested, dealers must prove they've paid the tax or face fines or property seizure. A local judge has called it unconstitutional but the state is appealing saying it will help deter crime and boost tax coffers.

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Last Week's Reads

Okay, the good news is that I'm more or less back on track with my reading list. The bad news is I still didn't have a lot of time to digest enough to comment on them, Hornby style. But I can at least tell you that I've read...

• David R. Bunch, "The Escaping"
• James Cross, "The Doll-House"
• Jonathan Lethem, "Planet Big Zero"
• Carol Emshwiller, "Sex and/or Mr. Morrison"
• Me, "Code of Conduct"
• Damon Knight, "Shall the Dust Praise Thee"

I will take a moment to mention that all save the third and fifth pieces were from DANGEROUS VISIONS and that Damon Knight's story, the shortest one I've read thus far (I think...I haven't counted pages) is a standard for genre flash fiction for me, as far as I'm concerned. This is of particular importance now, not just for the obvious reason, but because I'm working my way through PIECES FOR THE LEFT HAND as well as the recently released NEW SUDDEN FICTION.

PASSAGE OF THE WEEK

Were we viable? Did we have to convince others, or was it enough just to convince ourselves?

The question was made immediate by our careers as students. Did it matter that you were smarter than your English teacher if she could fail you for cutting class to smoke pot in the park?

-Jonathan Lethem, "Planet Big Zero"

Next week: A Susanna Clarke piece. In fact, I think I'll do a reversal--one genre piece, more mainstream with the rest.

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Check Out This V1agra COOL c1al!s Video

If you're one of the legion (and by legion, I mean three or four) who emails me about YouTube links that I have yet to respond to, there may be a reason.

(Sorry it too me so long to get to this. Teh interhighway has been stopped up here at the homestead for the past few days.)

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Always Stickin' It To the Man

...by any means necessary!

Your results:
You are Magneto

Magneto 77% Apocalypse 70% Mystique 68% Riddler 68% The Joker 65% Juggernaut 64% Dr. Doom 63% Lex Luthor 62% Mr. Freeze 61% Venom 61% Kingpin 61% Catwoman 61% Dark Phoenix 52% Green Goblin 48% Two-Face 40% Poison Ivy 36%

You fear the persecution of those that are different or underprivileged so much that you are willing to fight and hurt others for your cause.

Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

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Real Fame

Who says the band Chicago is a bunch of has-beens when they (and by they, I mean some drawings and voices that weren't theirs) appeared in AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE?


(Just let it load and skip to the 3:00' mark.)

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Backlog

Sorry for the delays. The Interhighway here seems to be littered with orange barrels, just like Ohio. Anyway, two weeks ago, I read...

• Poul Anderson, "Eutopia"
• David R. Bunch, "Incident at Moderan"
• Neil Gaiman, "How to Talk to Girls at Parties"

Unfortunately, it's been too long now so I can't provide anything in the way of commentary. I liked 'em--I can definitely say that.

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Reading is Fundamental

The darn holidays finally caught up with me, so I can't offer any words of insight into what I read two weeks ago, a la Nick Hornby's playbook. Yeah, yeah, priorities and all that, but here's my token effort anyway. The least I can do is a list...

• Joe L. Hensley, "Lord Randy, My Son"
• Robert Reed, "Pills Forever"
• Raymond Carver, "After the Denim"

Next time: What I read last week...I think I've got some words set aside somewhere.

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Playlist

As far as the stuff from last time, it took awhile for The New Pornographers stuff to sink in, but I think it did. At least the ELECTRIC VERSION album did. The Yo La Tengo album didn't grab me as much, but I'll give it more of a listen. I'm surprised that I'm listening to Bill Champlin's RUNAWAY as much as I have, despite what a Champlin junkie I am. But we all know I'm a sucker for 80s AOR music, too.

Anyway, I thought I'd start out 2007 with something out of the comfort zone. Though I'll be honest, The Blue Nile isn't. I've heard them before performing with other folks. Anyway, we've got that and, while I'm on the New Pornographers kick, we've got some Neko Case as well.

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Let Old Blah Blah Blah Be Forgot...

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Got paid for something I wrote.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Sort of, and yes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Depends what close means.

5. What countries did you visit?
In person--none.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
More weapons training.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
December 5th--that's when I officially became a published writer making taxable income.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See #7

9. What was your biggest failure?
There ONLY being one paid publication in 2006.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was out sick a couple of days.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My 2GB video/mp3 player. I don't know how I ever got along with a 128MB music-only piece of crap. Oh well, it's still handy as a flash drive, I suppose.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My patient, long-suffering wife's.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I don't want to go into that here. It'd appall and depress me.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Action bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
See #7.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
"Feel" by Chicago

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter
iii. richer or poorer? richer--there's actually a small pittance sitting in a savings account.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Developing my kung-fu style.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Struggling to find someplace similar to my beloved Donkey to hang out.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent X-Mas with the mother-in-law.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Well, duh.

22. How many one-night stands?
Hello--married here.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Tie between BOSTON LEGAL and MONARCH OF THE GLEN. Oh, I liked DOCTOR WHO of course, but it just wasn't the same as the last series.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I thoroughly detest someone I merely thought of with contempt last year. Does that count?

25. What was the best book you read?
Raymond Carver's collection, WHERE I'M CALLING FROM.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jazz pianist Jacky Terrasson

27. What did you want and get?
A job at the Big Red School on the Hill

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
JET LI'S FEARLESS

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Not much and XXXIII.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finishing the three pieces I haven't finished yet.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Metrosexual geek chic.

32. What kept you sane?
(a) The wife, (b) a full-time job with benefits, and (c) more or less liking said job.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Cassandra Wilson. But then, I say that all the time.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Getting the country moved back toward the center.

35. Who did you miss?
Everyone I left in Ohio in 2005.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
All the folks I work with now.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:

The writer's only responsibility is to his art. He will be completely ruthless. Everything goes by the board: honor, pride, decency, security, happiness, all, to get the book written. If the writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate; the ODE TO A GRECIAN URN is worth any number of old ladies.
-William Falkner

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

'Cause I got great expectations
I've got family and friends
I got satisfying work
I got a back that bends
For every breath
For every day of living
This is my thanksgiving

-Don Henley, "My Thanksgiving"

Goals for 2007

The main goal (among many I haven't figured out yet): 20 new pieces in circulation by December 31, 2007.

See y'all next year!

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More Backlog

This week, I find myself rearranging and reorganizing for the New Year. Usually, I have someone nagging at me to do this, but I find that the habit finally took. Over the past few days, I've been slowly going through and clearing out all the things cluttering up my psychic RAM. Here's one of them.

During last Turkey Day's trip to Clevesburg, we stopped at a brand new, redesigned Dunkin Donuts. I'd love to show you just how it's different, but alas...



This is one of those things you kind of understand, but still question at a deep level. Trade secrets are one thing, but exactly what do they have to hide? See, now the paranoia about potential hidden weapons of mass destruction starts to become just a touch more relatable.

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Last Week's Reads

You thought because of the holidays, I was too busy to rip off Nick Hornby's playbook. You were wrong (though I didn't think I was going to post this before today). Last week, I read...

• Fritz Lieber, "Gonna Roll the Bones"
• Robert J. Sawyer, "Biding Time"
• J. Robert Lennon, "Dead Roads," "Election," "The Current Event," "Claim," "Opening," "Copycats," "Town Life," "Rivalry," "Get Over It," "Composure," "Silence," "The Pipeline," and "Leaves"
• Susanna Clarke, "John Uskglass and the Cumbrian Charcoal Burner"
• M. Rickert, "The Christmas Witch"
  

I just had to read something seasonal but I viewed the title "The Christmas Witch" with the same trepidation as last year's DOCTOR WHO special "The Christmas Invasion." Of course, I liked WHO better, but this story wasn't so bad. Not at all what the title or even the cover of the issue of F&SF it came in would imply. It was an engaging novelette but stories that try to keep you ostensibly guessing tend to wear me out. The ones that tell you such and such a character or situation is supernatural...possibly. I liked another tale from that issue much better, Susanna Clarke's "John Uskglass..." and I know next to nothing about her JONATHAN STRANGE AND MR. NORRELL. It's definitely on my reading list for 2007--yes, 2007: The Year I Go Back to Reading Novels...Maybe.

The more I read from the SLIPSTREAM anthology, the less of it I like. I can't argue with the plot and pacing Sawyer's "Biding Time." It's a short, easy-to-follow detective story, solved by the end whereupon the bad guy is on his way to getting his just desserts. Only, I found that I couldn't care less about any of it. I never doubted for an instant that the detective would succeed.

I have to read more Fritz Leiber because "Gonna Roll the Bones" rocked. Like everything else in DANGEROUS VISIONS, there's so much more to it than the typical "gambling with the Devil/Death/Boogeyman" storyline. I'm definitely giving it a second read sometime soon.

I mentioned before that I purchased the collection PIECES FOR THE LEFT HAND by J. Robert Lennon. The thing was imported from the UK since it hasn't been published in the U.S. of A. as of yet. The bookstore wanted a little more for it and rightly so. Luckily, I chose to buy it on the day the store was giving a 10% discount off of any book with five or more words in the title. I would've (reluctantly) paid full price, so you know...gift horses and all that. And, it's certainly been a gift. --waitaminute, I guess I almost did pay full price, damn New York sales taxes! Doesn't matter. Needless to say I've been enthralled by the pieces I've read so far. A lot of them could provide endless fodder for the debate on whether short-shorts are too short to be short stories. From the first section, I'd say Lennon succeeds more often than not. Plus, well, I live in the same area he does so a lot of his "anecdotes" from the "Town & Country" section absolutely resonated.

PASSAGE OF THE WEEK

As Joe lowered hs gaze all the way and looked directly down, his eyes barely over the table, he got the crazy notion that it went down all the way through the world, so that the diamonds were the stars on the other side, visible despite the sunlight there...and so that if a cleaned-out gambler, dizzy with defeat, toppled forward into it, he'd fall forever, toward the bottommost bottom, be it Hell or some black galaxy.

-Fritz Leiber, "Gonna Roll the Bones"

Next Week: Now, where'd I put that Cheever collection...?

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What Is Hip?

Me, that's who.

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.

You're Avante Garde Indie. You listen to abstract music like free-jazz and Krautrock. You drink too much coffee and you scare the fuck out of the rest of us. We're afraid to call you pretentious because we know that we all just don't get it. There are few of you out there, and most of you will probably die soon.
Take this quiz!





Quizilla | Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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The Furthest F'ing Thing From a Chrismas Miracle

Soul Icon James Brown Dies at 73
by Renée Montagne

Morning Edition, December 25, 2006 · Singer James Brown -- one of the most influential popular musicians of the past 50 years -- has died at 73. He had been hospitalized over the weekend in Atlanta, suffering from pneumonia.

Current Music: James Brown, "The Big Payback"

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Christmas on the Hill

The Elmira Correctional Facility in upstate New York wants to wish you all a happy holiday season!

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Today's Good Deed

Simultaneously supported a local bookstore and a local author.

I can now feel good about being a consumer at the height of the season of consumerism.

We'll be away for the next two days. Back Monday (maybe). Merry Christmakwanzahannukah and try to be nice to one another. Except if a stranger rudely rolls up on your table and starts messing with your stuff. That person needs to learn a lesson via ass-whipping.

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Unbelieveable

What the hell possesses people to walk up to a stranger's table--a stranger with earphones and surrounded by books, papers, and a laptop thereby giving a reasonable impression of being busy-- and ask "What're you working on?" while picking up a random book from said table?

And, unsatisfied with my initial response "Stuff," acting like HE'S being put off when he got the response "Personal stuff" to his second query in a tone that basically says, "Who are you, stranger that I don't know from Adam, and why the hell are you talking to me?"

At least he found someone else to accosted at the table behind mine. He's lucky he didn't get a smack upside the head. True, violence may be an inappropriate response to bad manners, but we all know intuitively that people with that much gaul probably won't respond to anything else.

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Christmas Cheer

Here's my Christmas gift to all my friends and instant gratification readers.



Ho, ho, ho!!

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