Rude Awakenings

A four-panel, 2x2 "webcomic without art."

1
Bird's eye view of DON in bed early Sunday morning, covers askew, drool coming out his mouth as his eyes are just coming open. We see musical notes streaming in from off-panel, swirling about the room.

CAPTION: SUNDAY MORNING

DON (thought): WHAT THE F**K...? IS THAT KENNY G??*


CAPTION: *ACTUALLY, IT'S DAVE KOZ'S "EMILY"


2
DON's back is to us on the bed; it looks like he may very well be huddled in the fetal position. WIFE is standing at the side of the bed, looking very upset.

CAPTION: MONDAY MORNING

WIFE: OH MY GOD!!

WIFE (linked): [Married Friend] GAVE [The Spouse] DIVORCE PAPERS ON FRIDAY!



3
Bird's eye view again of both DON and WIFE in bed. There are raindrops on the bedroom window. WIFE's sitting up, looking angrily at the window. DON's eyes are wide open, and he looks frazzled.

CAPTION: TUESDAY MORNING

WIFE (burst): AWWW, F**K...I LEFT MY UMBRELLA AT WORK!


4
DON, in ear muffs, is getting ready for bed by chugging OTC sleeping pills from a bottle and pulling a blindfold over his eyes.

CAPTION: TUESDAY NIGHT

© Warm Fuzzy Freudian Slippers, Ltd. MMVI

Needless to say, this is all tongue-in-cheek!

I need a nap.

Read More

Retrospective

There's a double shot of me in the Special Gigantic First-Anniversary Best-Of American Nerd.

Read More

We've Come a Long Way, Maybe, Part Deux

Frankly, I prefer "Guido siht" to this...



From the LJ scans_daily community.
Had to fish around for another copy here.

Read More

My Weekly Personality Analysis

I swear, it's true enough to make me cry. Hey, I can't help it. It's been awhile since I had a full week's worth of stuff in my day planner, even if stuff gets shuffled around. Tomorrow, I gotta dress nice in the sub-freezing weather, but oh well.

Bed, now.

The Hermit You scored 29 change, 41 wellbeing, 71 wisdom, and 42 truth

He has mastered all elements of the past key numbers and stands on top of the mountain of attainment. The snowy peaks is symbolic of his isolation because his wisdom sets him apart from the rest. In this position, he holds his lantern to light the way for the rest to follow his path to enlightenment, for knowledge is meaningless unless we turn and show others what we have learned. The lantern light is 2 triangles, one face up and the other face down. As is above, so below. A triangle only holds 180 degrees, but the combination of 2 triangles equals 360 degrees. A circle has 360 degrees and is the symbol of the creator, endless. 360 degrees and 180 degrees both vibrate at a number 9, the vibration of this cards. some extra words: being introspective thinking things over focusing inward concentrating less on the senses quieting yourself looking for answers within needing to understand searching seeking greater understanding looking for something wanting the truth at all costs going on a personal quest needing more desiring a new direction receiving/giving guidance going to/being a mentor accepting/offering wise counsel learning from/being a guru turning to/being a trusted teacher being helped/helping seeking solitude needing to be alone desiring stillness withdrawing from the world experiencing seclusion giving up distractions retreating into a private world

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 2% on change You scored higher than 8% on wellbeing You scored higher than 56% on wisdom You scored higher than 3% on truth

Link: The What tarot card resembles you Test written by KamikazeParrot on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Read More

The Old Man at the Club

I will never, ever feel bad about walking into a college bar ever again, not while there are people like this.

Off an LJ:
Meet Mike Jeffries, CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch...



...aged 61.

Makes that whole bruhaha about the A&F ads a bit more creepy, don't it?

Read More

Still Enjoying teh Violence

You've probably been thinking, but have been too kind to say, "You've all but given up all your martial pursuits, haven't you, you lazy bsatard?" But, while my efforts have been admittedly sporadic and irregular, my love of the arts hasn't gone anywhere!

In anticipation of training with a local FMA/WMA group (I've got the cash to start, just not enough to go very far), I've been looking up a whole bunch of online WMA material online. Lots of interesting stuff, especially those details that relate directly to FMA stuff. Man, I've heard lots of people slam Mark Wiley, but it turns out he's loathed by a WMA people as well because of his "historical accuracy."

I've run into the occassional video. Datu_B knows how I am about video clips. Some folks on a message board dug up:

• Kyra Gracie vs Erica Montoya in recent Abu Dhabi tournament (Kyra's the dark haired girl on top).
  
• Yoshihiro Nakao tries to psyche out, Keith Herring, aka the Texas Crazy Horse, before a K-1 Dynamite match. It doesn't really work.
  
• A low-quality film of a TKD vs. Shaolin kung-fu "no grappling allowed" exhibition with a bad soundtrack.

But Don, you're thinking, have you actually moved around at all? Done any actual work?

Well, I've accomplished two minor things. One was managing to transfer a stick move from my right hand (a sort of head-level witik followed by a downward vertical head strike) to my left (more or less). And, working on that made me realize something while shadowboxing--now I realize why my left jab always got more respect than my right cross.

Beside my right foot being too far back (as usual), my hip doesn't have that "snapping" quality when I throw the cross like it does when I throw the jab. Sure, the hip rotates as it should. But, all the strength of the punch is coming from my upper body/arm, instead of my hips. Now, I got something new to work on between stories and job-searching.

Read More

The Not Yet Ready For Humanity Player

I admit it, I'm still in my shell/cave/womb/tomb/Sith meditation chamber--whatever metaphor you'd like to use.

Maybe it's a function of being "twenty-one plus eleven," but I just can't deal with as much stimuli as I used to, internal and external. Rather, I can't attend to it as much as I used to. A lot of things in life need my attention. However, for any of those things to be dealt with effectively, they can't always have my equal attention all the time.

There's a whole side to the "There is a season" theme in the Book of Ecclesiastes that doesn't register, or even gets ignored outright. As much as there are times when things happen and also times to do things, in either case, you simply cannot do it all at the same time, not if you want to be effective.

An example: A few days ago, after yet another weekend of travel (I know, I know, "Oh, poor me," right?) and still having the general mindset of "I ain't got time for no bullhsit," I decided to pull a Machiavellian move on a couple of folks. Let's put it this way--rather than participate in a group that would eventually, according to my instincts and experience, suffer from Geek Social Fallacy #1, I bowed out and got with another person who felt the same way. And, I did that in order to move forward with my personal goals. My decision was a pure, simple personal cost-benefit analysis that I had to make because I've finally accepted that my energy is finite!

It recharges, sure, but that's always been a solitary process for me. I'm not one of these folks who recharges by inviting twenty of his closest friends over for a day. Don't get me wrong--I love having twenty of my closest friends over for a day. But, it doesn't recharge me. It drains. And, that's okay...

...provided I get a chance to recover, which I'm doing.

Read More

We've Come a Long Way, Maybe

One of the things I love about indie comics is the premium they place on sensitivity to diversity. It's a struggle, and sometimes people in comics have made honest mistakes...



It's the age-old question: how to be "sensitive" and still portray realistic characters. For Brian Bendis, it's simple--you fall back on the Archie Bunker portrayal of an obviously ignorant boor, and make it an indictment of (unfortunately all-too) prevalent racial and ethnic attitudes in the hopes of making a relevant, thought-provoking commentary.

The following is from Bendis's Sam and Twitch #1. They were the only honest cops left in their precinct before they were removed from the force. But, now they've been brought back and have to re-adjust. For instance, they need to get reacquainted with what Sam calls "the local Guido scene" to investigate the murder of some...er...criminals of a certain ethnic descent. Here, Sam (the tactless, boorish, thuggish half of this duo) expresses his dismay at this senseless slaughter.



Oh, who am I kidding?

Read More

My Weekly Personality Analysis

And, while we're discussing the international sci-fi legacies in question, we might as well discuss fandoms...


Which annoying fan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Read More

Imitation Is the What?

And, speaking of both of the international sci-fi legacies in question...



(I forgot where I got this--sorry!)

Read More

Piece of Shat

As long as we're on the subject of 70+ year-old international sci-fi legends...

William Shatner sells kidney stone, raises $25,000 for charity
Associated Press

LOS ANGELES - An online casino has a piece of Capt. Kirk.

Actor William Shatner has sold his kidney stone for $25,000, with the money going to a housing charity, it was announced Tuesday.

Shatner reached agreement Monday to sell the stone to GoldenPalace.com.

"This takes organ donors to a new height, to a new low, maybe. How much is a piece of me worth?" he said in a telephone interview.

Sure, you can laugh at him for putting it up, but if someone was willing to pay for it...

Read More

Back to the Womb

This weekend marked the fourth straight weekend in a row that we've road tripped somewhere. I now understand why hermits become hermits.

Anyone have a sensory deprivation tank? I'd love to soak in it while listening to the latest Ricky Gervais Show podcast.

No? Well, then I'm going to figure out some other way to replicate that experience.

* * *
Speaking of hilarious audio files, I got myself a copy of Tom "Doctor Who" Baker's infamous outtakes for his voiceover spot for something called Symphony (supposedly, a furniture company).

The man is completely nuts, between complaining about the ad copy and making such "flubs" as...

Are you sure this isn't a translation from the f*cking Albanian? Sounds like a very bad translation from early Serbo-Croat.

I don't think I can go on, this is so emotional. I'm getting a stalk on, I think, here.

Symphony--number one for f*cking foreigners, too!

Symphony--even for monkey shaggers!

I adore distilled whippet sh*t!

Symphony is a company with a firm foundation--and if you don't believe that, you can f*ck off and get your cards.

And, to think I freaked out at Peter Davison's performance on At Home With the Braithwaites. I said to myself that no Doctor Who should be cheating on his wife and being verbally abusive to, well, everyone. I almost died when he called some kid a "f*cking sh*thead!" But, you can chalk that up to acting.

This recording was just bizarre and surreal, and I'm going to sit in the dark and meditate upon it for the next few days to raise my energy levels. (And, as much as I'd love to post it, I don't have the space or the bandwidth, nor would I subject anyone to the hoops I had to jump through at YouSendIt.)

Read More

Podcast Addiction

I owe everyone an apology. I've known about this since the week after Christmas and failed to mention it to all but 2 or 3 people.

The Ricky Gervais Show on Guardian Unlimited

It's a series of 12 podcasts from The Office creators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant and featuring the "increasingly perplexed" Karl Pilkington. And, they're on number 6, so stop what you're doing right now and download every last bit of it, and be prepared to bust a gut in 30-minute segments. Then, tune in every Monday for more.

Read More

Reading Progress

Books that were previously crossed out are deleted.

BOOKS OBTAINED, NOT STARTED
The House of the Spirits - Isabel Allende
The Foundation Trilogy - Isaac Asimov ‡
Fire - Brian Michael Bendis
Goldfish - Brian Michael Bendis
Torso - Brian Michael Bendis
Total Sell-Out - Brian Michael Bendis (Started briefly, then abandoned)
Wild Seed - Octavia Butler
The Long Goodbye - Raymond Chandler †
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom - Cory Doctorow
The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2005 - Dave Eggers (ed.)
You Shall Know Our Velocity - Dave Eggers
Tender Is the Night - F. Scott Fitzgerald †
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald †
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley †
The Light of the Falling Stars - J. Robert Lennon
Ex Machina - Brian K. Vaughn

BOOKS BEING READ
McSweeney's Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales - Michael Chabon (ed.)
A Place So Foreign and Eight More - Cory Doctorow (Temporarily abandoned)
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
Desolation Jones - Warren Ellis (Ongoing series)
Ministry of Space - Warren Ellis (Wasn't even on the list; couldn't help it, though.)
Stranger Things Happen - Kelly Link (Temporarily abandoned)
Collected Stories - Gabriel Garcia-Marquez (Temporarily abandoned)
Understanding Comics - Scott McCloud
The Portable Dorothy Parker
Y: The Last Man - Brian K. Vaughn (Ongoing series)

† These are books that I own, but haven't read since college, so they might as well be considered unread.
‡ This is The Wife's compilation.

Read More

Finally!

The BBC says...

Doctor Who checks into SCI FI
SCI FI Channel screen first series Fridays at 9pm from March.

SCI FI Channel and BBC Worldwide Americas announced today a major licensing deal for the first series of the latest Doctor Who adventures.

The 13-part drama is about a mysterious time-travelling adventurer known simply as "The Doctor" (Christopher Eccleston) and his companion, Rose Tyler (Billie Piper). The Doctor and Rose risk death and danger, battling aliens and monsters.

And, as of this second, it's not on SciFi Wire. Damn, even when they've got good news, they're slow about announcing it.

Read More

My Weekly Personality Analysis

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 80% Catwoman 75% Hulk 75% Robin 65% The Flash 65% Iron Man 60% Spider-Man 55% Wonder Woman 53% Superman 50% Batman 45% Supergirl 43%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Read More

Resolution: To Read

What do they say about the road to hell being paved with good intentions? That's exactly what's happened with my reading list. There's a lot of things I've been cramming into my mind, lately. Mostly literature. So, in the interest of general accountability, I'm going to post my reading list for 2006, including my 2005 backlog, and update my progress along the way. Sort of like Nick Hornby's Polysyllabic Spree, only not as long; plus, I include graphic novels. You'll simply see "Books Obtained" and "Books Being Read," hopefully being crossed out as the year goes on.

BOOKS OBTAINED, NOT STARTED
The House of the Spirits - Isabel Allende
The Foundation Trilogy - Isaac Asimov ‡
Fire - Brian Michael Bendis
Goldfish - Brian Michael Bendis
Torso - Brian Michael Bendis
Total Sell-Out - Brian Michael Bendis
Wild Seed - Octavia Butler
The Long Goodbye - Raymond Chandler †
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom - Cory Doctorow
The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2005 - Dave Eggers (ed.)
You Shall Know Our Velocity - Dave Eggers
Tender Is the Night - F. Scott Fitzgerald †
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald †
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley †
The Light of the Falling Stars - J. Robert Lennon
Ex Machina - Brian K. Vaughn

BOOKS BEING READ
Fortune and Glory - Brian Michael Bendis
Jinx - Brian Michael Bendis
McSweeney's Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales - Michael Chabon (ed.)
A Place So Foreign and Eight More - Cory Doctorow (Temporarily abandoned)
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
Desolation Jones - Warren Ellis (Ongoing series)
Stranger Things Happen - Kelly Link (Temporarily abandoned)
Collected Stories - Gabriel Garcia-Marquez (Temporarily abandoned)
Understanding Comics - Scott McCloud
The Portable Dorothy Parker
Y: The Last Man - Brian K. Vaughn (Ongoing series)
Demo - Brian Wood/Becky Cloonan

Hm...should I include the craft (writing) books that I consult on a daily basis?

† These are books that I own, but haven't read since college, so they might as well be considered unread.
‡ This is The Wife's compilation.

Read More

My Weekly Personality Analysis

Here's something simple and stolen for the first analysis of 2006.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Movie theater usher
2. Direct care worker in Residential Treatment
3. Community support provider
4. Substitute teacher

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD (AND DO!) WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. Withnail & I
2. Glengarry Glen Ross
3. Iron Monkey
4. Night of the Living Dead

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. Cleveland, OH
2. Dayton, OH
3. Columbus, OH
4. Athens, OH

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:
1. Law & Order (all of them)
2. Doctor Who
3. The Boondocks
4. Blake's 7

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. Manila, Philippines
2. Canada
3. Tampa, FL
4. Virgina Beach, VA

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:

1. mail.yahoo.com
2-4. I use RSS for everything else.

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
1. Buffalo wings
2. Chinese chicken wings
3. Smoked sausage
4. Pork chops--breaded, fried, then baked--with rice

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:

I'm quite happy where I am right now, thank you.

Read More

Undecided

...about nothing important. Just whether or not I like Joss Stone.

I hadn't heard of her (haven't seen the Gap commercial, the VH-1 Diva thing, nothing) before seeing her do a set on Austin City Limits after Michael McDonald. My first impression was that she was a Joplin rip-off, but she and her band were good enough to keep me interested for a half-hour. I didn't know she's a mere 17 years old until I looked her up, but being young's never been good enough to impress me. Although, what often does impress me about young people--yes, even young white people--doing old school R&B stuff is that they'd even attempt that music. They tend to get all of five minutes on somewhere like MTVH-whatever.

Anyway, I got ahold of her albums, and they didn't really make an impression, even for someone addicted to blue-eyed soul and worships at the altar of Bill Champlin like me. And, then it hit me.

Part of the problem is her voice; she's simply not done growing, yet. Period. The bigger problem, though, was the production on both her albums. Her backing band--there or on ACL--just isn't helping her any. You could replace them all with canned tracks and I don't think I'd notice. Now, that could be a decision on the producer's part: dumb down the musicians rather than risk the spotlight shining on anyone other than the vocalist for a micro-second (which is almost always a reason for me to burn an album). Or, those cats really can't play. In any case, I feel like I've only got half of what I paid for. I mean, her songs really only come in three tempos, and three or four different grooves. Now, whether that's limiting her or revealing her limitations remains to be seen.

It's the same reason I was never really into the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Although they have the opposite problem: kick ass band, but I can't stand that dude's voice.

Say what you want about Macy Gray, but at least she delivers the whole package, from writing, to the recording, through to the live performance. She could walk off the stage and let her band play, and I'd still listen intently. There's some real meat to those recordings, too. Same thing with the current Earth, Wind & Fire. Sure, everyone knows it's really only Philip Bailey, Verdine White, and Ralph Johnson, et al, but that doesn't mean they let anyone be part of et al. They walk off stage and the band still burns; I'll be damned if that little dude they have doing the Maurice White vocals can't keep a show going.

In any case, it's that sense of "the whole package" that I'm missing when I'm deciding whether or not to like Joss Stone. I dunno, I'll give her albums a few more listens.

Read More

MMVI

Ah, another holiday over, another road trip, and I'm almost as exhausted as I was in '05--but happy.

* * *
We got more stuff. Some were presents from others and some from ourselves. As if we didn't have enough stuff to read and watch, I now have/have access to:

• Kung Fu Hustle
• Once Upon a Time in China
• You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers
• A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius also by Mr. Eggers

I can't help it. The logic might not be there, but I've got good feelings about MMVI.

* * *
Oh, and here's something else to read. Ever wonder what happened to that COBRA recruit?

Journal of a Seasoned COBRA Veteran
by K. Pille

Read More