This is for B, Steveo, and all of my friends and fellow-students of the martial arts. Not since Tao of Jeet Kune Do has there been so much martial wisdom in one place. Behold...
Still Kicking: The Very Authorized Biography of Steven Segal, Volume II, Pgs. 567-568
by Jared Bloom
from McSweeney's
Still Kicking: The Very Authorized Biography of Steven Segal, Volume II, Pgs. 567-568
by Jared Bloom
from McSweeney's
6 comments:
Hilarious! I knew there was a reason why Steven Segal is my hero.
Fan-Fucking-Tastic!
I would like to see a Seagal vs. Norris fight, but pitting their cult celebrity status against one another, not their actual fighting styles. For instance, Seagal would use his Lightning Bolt Energy Drink to counter Norris's anti-drug program; Heee-ya! Norris would ripost with his Total Gym, only to be thwarted by Seagal's supposed friendship with the Dalai Lama. Oh snap. It would stalemate between Norris's wire beard and Seagal's greasy hair. Who will win???
Chuck Norris would incinerate Seagal with laser beams coming out of his eyes. I really think so.
@Ms. Bizarro: I believe Chuck could beat Segal with eye-beams, so long as they didn't bounce of Segal's gut.
@B: All that, and still no mention of the wife and child he left behind, eh?
@Stephen: I think the stalemate would be broken by Wesley Snipes who'd run up and grab Segal by either his pony-tail or the Native American beads he wears.
Snipes? Please!!
Oh yeah... I forgot about Seagal's wife and kids...kinda like he did.
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