LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

*Edited excerpts from my journal

*E's right about my rigid expectations about my time. My expectations for today were to get up, sip coffee and work on some things at a leisurely pace before work at 8 PM. In the middle of it all, I'd relocate to the coffee shop and soak up some atmosphere.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way.

I'm accustomed to bolting out of bed when I feel it's time (or when my alarm goes off, whichever comes last) and getting down to it. I wake up with some things on my mind that I have to act on, or at least write down, before I do anything else. Instead, I get stopped at every turn by something or other. It didn't take a full hour before my vision of the day had completely collapsed, and I had to come up with a way to adapt.

*Adaptation isn't my problem. It's the inner resentment that develops, usually toward myself. That's got to end. After all, most of the time I "wasted" was spent taking care of E. Her knee acted up big time last night and it's still not right.

I've never had trouble concocting a "Plan B" on the fly. The trouble is I turn into Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction, who expressed this attitude:

If I'm curt with you, it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast, and I need you guys to act fast if you want to get out of this. So pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fuckin' car.

The bottom line is that I need to do two things: First, I need to return to practicing genuine solitude. Second, I need to be better and more ruthless about cutting out things that don't need done at a particular time. This is a problem for people with my brain style (read View From the Cliff) -- the feeling that if an idea isn't acted on immediately to the exclusion of all else, it'll be lost forever.