Here's a new feature I just invented as I sort of lamented that I took part in the sin of forwarding email. No, it wasn't a virus warning, a chain letter, a "read along and scroll to the bottom like the puppet you are" note, or a heart-wrenching piece of urban myth. It was a bunch of funny bits that I've collected over the years across several email accounts that I thought Ms. E would find funny.
"I don't want to sin again," I said to myself. "Yet, how would I disseminate these fine staples of wit and wisdom rivaled only by the scriptures of various religions?"
Then, it hit me. So, without any further ado, the first in a long line of "Bandwidth Conservation Posts."
What Sort of Asian Are You?
YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...
1. You're obsessed with your hair, your car, and your clothes
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman
(males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You've got a bottle of Kimchi in your fridge.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...
1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...
1. You eat at restaurants that have "Pho" on their signboards.
2. You have some relative who is Chinese.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you
have a job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2. Some member of your family is a politician or a movie star.
3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were
black.
4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not,
because being Filipino is cool enough just by itself.
Ed note: #4 -- Daaaaaamn right
YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...
1. People offer to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You're not afraid of black people, cause in some cases you're
scarier than they are.
4. You know in your heart you'll never be superior to all other
Asians, but you've learned to live with it.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE MALAYSIAN IF ...
1. You don't believe anything the newspapers tell you, but would
never say so in public.
2. The whole world (and George Soros) is out to destroy you and your
country.
3. You would never admit to being afraid of black people, because it
might disrupt racial harmony.
4. You don't think you are superior to other Asians, but your food,
culture, english, humor, etc is.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE SINGAPOREAN IF ...
1. You eat, sleep, smile and have sex according to Government
policy.
2. You don't think Lee Kuan Yew is a facist dictator.
3. Government policy is that you shouldn't be afraid of black
people so you aren't.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians, cause the
Government says so.
"I don't want to sin again," I said to myself. "Yet, how would I disseminate these fine staples of wit and wisdom rivaled only by the scriptures of various religions?"
Then, it hit me. So, without any further ado, the first in a long line of "Bandwidth Conservation Posts."
What Sort of Asian Are You?
YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...
1. You're obsessed with your hair, your car, and your clothes
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman
(males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You've got a bottle of Kimchi in your fridge.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...
1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...
1. You eat at restaurants that have "Pho" on their signboards.
2. You have some relative who is Chinese.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you
have a job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2. Some member of your family is a politician or a movie star.
3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were
black.
4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not,
because being Filipino is cool enough just by itself.
Ed note: #4 -- Daaaaaamn right
YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...
1. People offer to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You're not afraid of black people, cause in some cases you're
scarier than they are.
4. You know in your heart you'll never be superior to all other
Asians, but you've learned to live with it.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE MALAYSIAN IF ...
1. You don't believe anything the newspapers tell you, but would
never say so in public.
2. The whole world (and George Soros) is out to destroy you and your
country.
3. You would never admit to being afraid of black people, because it
might disrupt racial harmony.
4. You don't think you are superior to other Asians, but your food,
culture, english, humor, etc is.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE SINGAPOREAN IF ...
1. You eat, sleep, smile and have sex according to Government
policy.
2. You don't think Lee Kuan Yew is a facist dictator.
3. Government policy is that you shouldn't be afraid of black
people so you aren't.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians, cause the
Government says so.
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